Searching for Peace
by GeishaKitten
Summary: Tomoe is alive, and she's been hidden away as a Buddhist nun all along. Will Kenshin find her in time for a last goodbye? This summarry is crappy but please read.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Here's my second Kenshin/ Tomoe story, it's a little far fetched but just have a little imagination. I'm taking a break from my Furuba story but don't worry, I'll get back to it. This is an intro, that's why it's short and slightly cheesy. The real first chapter will be better.

She had been searching for peace for more than ten years

searching for enlightenment as a buddhist nun

trying to forget about the world.

But how could she forget when she couldn't even remember

who she was.

She had been discovered years ago in the wreckage of a terrible fire.

Full of scars, unconscious.

Nobody claimed her or knew who she was.

They were afraid of one who could survive such a fire.

So she was sent to the convent.

She did as she was told and never spoke unless spoken to.

But she wanted to escape. Wanted to find out who she was.

She wondered if there was someone out there who remembered her.

Wondered if she would find the one she saw in every one of her dreams

The one with dark eyes and flame colored hair.

She would risk her very salvation to discover them.


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't planning on doing another Kenshin/Tomoe story, but I was reading some book set in Japan with somegirl who becomes a Buddhist nun and inspiration struck. I know the plot of this one is a little far fetched, I mean, Tomoe obviously died, but just bear with me and try to have a little imagination.

The abbess of a centuries old convent listened with a satisfied smile to the chanting of holy sutras. The convent was where those who were the most devout and dissillusioned from the world came to escape it's transitory cares in order to reach complete enlightenment. All was serene, all was sacred, and all were the same. Except for one woman, the abbess thought with a nervous shudder. The strange woman had been discovered by some villagers many years before in the wreckage of a terrible fire. She had been unconscious and badly burned, with a horrifying scar from her shoulder down. But miraculously, she had survived. No one claimed her or took her in for fear that she was possesed or would bring bad luck, so the abbess, who had lost her own dear sister in a fire not long before that, took the girl in, where she too became a nun. The woman, who the abbess called Ayame after her late sister, seemed silent and content, and always did as she was told, more of an icy spirit than a fiery one. She never, ever spoke of how her life had been before she was discovered, saying that she couldn't really remember anything, and in any case, needed to move past it. Still the abbess wondered, with a worldly sort of curiosity, how such an attractive and intruiging woman could end up alone and forgotten. For although the woman bore many scars, she still had a classic, beautiful face that her hair, which had been cut short when she joined the convent, seemed to suit. Of course, the abbess knew that many people were killed for little reason during the bakumatsu, but it still bothered her to think that this woman whom she'd adopted as a sister had been so completely abandoned. After all, everyone in the convent was completely cut off from most of the outside world. Even if there was someone somewhere out there who had known or loved her, they would never see her again or know what had become of her.


	3. Chapter 3

Tomoe restleslly paced and stared around at her tiny, isolated room like a caged animal. Prayer beads and scriptures were strewn about chaotically, making her feel trapped.

On the day that she had first entered the convent, she had been so eager and full of hope, but over the years, her burning curiosity to discover who she really was had begun to spoil any possible goals of reaching Nirvana.

The thing that disturbed her the most of all were her dreams. She shivered to think of them. In them, a dark eyed stranger with hair like pale fire reached out to her, but she didn't know whether it was safe to go with him or not.

Each time she stepped towards him, she would wake up.

She told the abbess about her dreams one day, but the woman just shook her head and said that it was probably a fire demon that had clung to her during that strange time when she was discovered and promised to find someone to exorcise it from her, but Tomoe felt from somewhere deep inside of herself that it was no demon. In fact, she was beginning to think that she had known this person before. Though it seemed like the wishful thinking of a lonely woman, she was sure that he was out there somewhere. Perhaps he could tell her who she really was and how she had ended up with such terrible scars.

She was terribly ashamed to look at them. Her burns had healed slightly over the years, but the horrible slashing from her shoulder down had stayed much the same. Had she been so hated that someone had attempted to murder her and burn all evidence? Had others died that day? It was questions like that which kept her from reaching the higher spiritual state that she had so passionately desired.

After all, everyone told her that her miraculous survival was probably a divinely granted second chance for a calm and normal life rather than the chaotic one that she had most likely known before. It was almost sinful for her to dwell on what once was or what might have been. Despite all that, she guiltily thought that she'd face many more scars to find out what her dreams meant.

That's all for now. I was struggling with whether I should refer to her as Tomoe or Ayame(Iris), like I had said was her new name in the last chapter but i just kept it Tomoe so as not to confuse new readers.


	4. Chapter 4

The shrill cawing of a crow woke Kenshin from an all too precious sleep. In the surreal space between waking and sleeping, he thought that he had heard his wife Kaoru and their young son calling out to him; their voices full of eagerness. Reality seeped in mercilessly though, when he opened his eyes. He had gone back to wandering, and was all alone at some cheap inn. He let out a deep sigh. God, he loved his family so much that he couldn't take it sometimes. He would die and even kill for them in an instant. Ironically, it was his devotion to them that drew him away from them because in a strange way, it was kind of twisted for him to be loved so much and to feel so much joy after what he had once been. Deep inside of himself, he was sure it would end eventually somehow. After all, that was the law of karma, wasn't it? Despite the fact that he had changed his ways so many years ago, he still didn't believe that he deserved any peace. " Just a little bit more," he whispered to himself as he struggled to sit up. If I could atone just a little bit more, than maybe I'll finally stop feeling this way, he thought. That was the thought that had set him off to wandering once again, in spite of his family waiting back home. He prayed with all his heart that they would understand, and not hold it against him, particularly his son, who had inherited something of the fiery nature that he himself used to possess. I wonder what Tomoe would've thought of him, he thought. Tomoe. The scar in his heart from losing her would stay with him until the moment he died. It was as much a part of him as his red hair or his cross-shaped scar. He'd long ago learned to live with it, and time had dulled away the rawness of the pain.

Still he thought about her often lately, with an eerie feeling that he couldn't really explain. She approached him in his dreams, begging him to come and stay with her. Kenshin explained it all away by reasoning that he was probably going to die soon and would at last be reunited with her. With each passing day, he could feel himself wasting away. But if only he could press forward, just a little more.

Kenshin's travels led him to a small, remote Buddhist temple, a fitting place for his morbid train of thought. He himself had even once half- jokingly contemplated forgetting all his problems and enjoying the peaceful, though monotonous life of a monk. He chuckled while imagining his head being shaved and his long, red hair falling to the ground, landing in clumps around his feet. This day though, he simply planned to make an offering and be on his way, home perhaps. It was a windy day of the sort that made one feel restless, but also alive. In fact, he couldn't remember feeling so alive in ages, as if something interesting and amazing was just around the corner, waiting only for him.

Suddenly, Kenshin was knocked almost unconscious by a group of angry running nuns. " Isn't anything sacred these days," he joked to himself as one of the nuns stopped in front of him, panting furiously. "Please, please help us catch that crazy woman before she does something stupid," she shouted frantically. Never one to refuse a request for help, Kenshin went racing after the strange woman, while wondering what in the hell would possibly make a nun try to escape from a convent. Lingering feelings for an old flame, perhaps? The woman was fast, but she couldn't stand a chance against Kenshin, who caught up to her easily. When he grabbed her, they both tripped and fell to the ground, with Kenshin on top of the struggling woman. Not the most proper situation, Kenshin thought humorously, but something about the woman's scent nearly made him stop breathing, and his heartbeat quickened. Could it really be, he thought to himself. No, that was ridiculous. She was dead. He had killed her with his own hands, hadn't he? He started to panic inside. He slowly got up and stared into the pair of dark, crimsonlike eyes that he knew all too well. "T..Tomoe," he stuttered. She only smiled as she rarely ever did back when he knew her. "You know who I am," she said with surprise and pleasure in her voice, that same voice that he heard in both his sweetest dreams and his most horrifying nightmares. He felt like crying, embracing her, and even kissing her right on the spot, but he held back. He tried to reason with himself. Maybe Tomoe had a cousin who resembled her or something, but that wouldn't explain her scent. The curious nuns stood around them. He had to bring himself to say something. "Please,"he said to one of them. "This woman is... my sister! I've missed her so much. Our family was sure that she was dead, but now the gods have brought us back together. Please let me bring her home to see them just this once, I promise I'll bring her back," he pleaded.

"That's forbidden," one of the nuns said, but the abbess was more sympathetic. She answered," You may speak with her here in the convent for awhile if you wish. You are her family after all." After he thanked them, the two walked towards her room, but Kenshin was still in utter shock and disbelief. Could it be that on that horrible day so many years ago, he had been so blinded by emotion as he burned down their house that he had failed to realize that she was simply in a coma? Had someone come in and dragged her out before she could be consumed by the flames? He'd spent so much time in such wrenching pain and here she had been all along? Those thoughts made him maddeningly dizzy, so he quickly sat down. He couldn't think of a single thing to say to her. What would possibly be appropriate? Luckily, she was the first to speak. "You're not really my brother, are you, she asked.

Well there's the end of this chapter. Can you believe it took me like seven months to get back to this! I'm so ashamed of myself. I could've had a kid or something in all that time. I'm only joking, but I had stopped cause I didn't think that anyone was really into this story but some people are, so this is for them. If it's dissapointing, sumimasen. I know I'm kind of mediocre as I writer, but I still try. Now, I wonder how long it will take for me to finish the next chaper. MWAHAHA!


	5. Chapter 5

"Wh...What would make you think that," Kenshin stuttered. Tomoe was staring carefully at him in a way that was completely freaking him out. What if she remembered him and hated him again? That would be more than he could bear. He let out a deep sigh. "No, I'm not your brother, but I know you," he said while staring down at the floor. He wondered how her real brother would react when he found out. That would certainly be interesting. Tomoe continued to stare at him with eager eyes. "Please, please tell me everything that you know about me," she pleaded. Kenshin shook his head. "No, not now, not yet, I can't," he said. He couldn't even imagine how he would begin telling her. Tomoe's face fell, but she moved closer to him. "I was that much of a shame to you, wasn't I," she said with a shaking voice. Kenshin quickly shook his head. "No, no, never," he said while taking her hand. "I was the only one who was a source of shame, and that's why I just can't tell you everything right now," he said. "Than take me with you," Tomoe said with her voice full of emotion. "Please, please take me with you! I'll do anything, and I promise you that I won't be a burden," she continued. "We can run away together, right now. I'm not crazy like they say I am. I was just desperate before, but I can get us out without anybody noticing," she said . Kenshin stared at her. After all she'd been through because of him, he felt that he didn't have a right to refuse her anything. "All right", he said while reaching to touch her hair. There was no way that he could possibly resist being close to her now. "I'll take you with me, Tomoe, but I can't guaruntee that you can stay with me for long," he answered. Tomoe, she thought. So that's my name. Such a simple, common name. That thought suddenly caused her to remember the stranger before her. The stranger that looked all too familiar. "Tell me your name," she said. "Oh, it's Kenshin," he answered, feeling stupid for having failed to properly introduce himself. "Kenshin." Tomoe whispered to herself. Speaking the name caused her to feel a sharp pain all throughout her body. A pain that would've been agonizing, were it not for the intense joy and pleasure that came along with it.

The next morning, Kenshin stared at Tomoe fast asleep on the futon at the inn. The years had been kind to her. She had a new, more mature kind of beauty than he remembered. Kenshin wondered if it was all just some crazy dream he was having and if he would wake up soon, sad and alone. But he knew that he hadn't slept a minute that whole night. How on earth could he, with her right there? He was exhausted after their escape though. It had been a pretty amusing diversion, the type of thing he would've laughed at years ago. It had been easy for Kenshin to distract the nuns with some small talk while Tomoe snuck away and changed into a spare serving girl's kimono. After all, it had been ages since most of them had spoke to a man, especially an attractive one. When Tomoe gave a signal that she was ready, he told them that he had some urgent business to attend to and left to join her at their planned meeting place in a secluded area behind the temple. "We did it," she whispered while laughing sweetly and mischievously. It was the first time that he'd ever seen her laugh like that, and he was mesmerized. All of his self-control fell completely to the ground, and before he even had a chance to think about it, his mouth was on hers and he let her scent completely overpower him. God, she tasted exactly the way he remembered. He wasn't dreaming, she was real, she was alive; he could feel her heart beating. Just as he had wished for so badly long ago, so many times, but now that he had her again, what was he going to do with her? After all, he had tried so hard to move on. As strong as his feelings were for her, she was his past, and not even her being alive would change that. He had another wife now, and a child and they were his family. She just didn't fit in with the picture of his life now and it killed him. Sure, he knew all too well that the majority of men kept lovers that their wives and children never knew about, or pretended not to know about, but he would rather die than degrade Tomoe like that and betray Kaoru at the same time. They both deserved so much more. He reluctantly seperated his mouth from Tomoe's and looked her straight in the eye. "Let's just pretend that didn't happen," he said.


End file.
